Seneca
by Shakimbo
Summary: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.-Seneca
1. Chapter 1

Seneca

Pairing: Dean/Jo

Rating: M

Category: Romance, Angst, AU

Spoilers: set after season five of SPN

Summary: _Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.-Seneca_

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Prologue

Dean didn't go to Lisa like he promised his brother he would. He drove clear across Indiana and kept on driving with no real destination in mind. He didn't stop until he felt his body failing at fighting off the exhaustion he felt creeping up on him.

He ended up in Rocky Mount North Carolina.

He pulled into the first motel he saw and stared up at the flashing vacancy sign as he put the car in park. He leaned back in his seat and continued to stare into space, transfixed as the impact of what happened finally hit him. His eyes slid toward the empty passenger seat and his hand tightened on the steering wheel as he fought the overwhelming urge to cry.

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He tossed his bag onto the bed closest to the bathroom. Sam's bed, as he always referred to it whenever they shared a room. He paused in the middle of taking off his jacket, struck from the sudden pain that comes from the mere thought of his brother. Taking a deep shaky breath, he closed his eyes against the familiar sting of tears he felt coming on. He swallowed hard, swallowing down the grief before it swallowed him whole.

He tossed the jacket onto the bed and kicked his boots off. He collapsed face first onto his bed, the one closest to the door, and closed his eyes. He wrapped his arm around the pillow and buried his face deep into it. He doesn't bother putting his gun under it like he always does.

He slept for 12 straight hours and it's the first time he's done that in his entire life. He doesn't know if he dreams or not, but if he does, he doesn't remember it.

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His eyes slid open two in the afternoon the next day and he slowly blinked up at the ceiling, unable to move. His head ached. His body ached. He couldn't move, not that he wanted to. Another twenty minutes passed before he slowly sat up in bed. Right about now, Sammy would be walking through that door with lunch for the both of them.

But not this time. This time, there is no Sammy. There is only Dean. He could feel the bile start to rise in the back of his throat and it's only a few seconds later that he's hurrying to the bathroom to empty out the contents of his stomach. He leaned his head against the toilet seat, biting his lip against the pain he felt flaring in his chest.

"Stupid." He hissed to himself. "Fucking stupid." Everything was fucked. This life, which was chosen for him. This life which took everything from him. He was the only member of his family left. _The only one._

The thought to return to Bobby briefly crossed his mind, but he quickly destroyed that idea. He couldn't go back to that life.

He didn't want to.

He slowly stood up, leaned over and switched on the faucet it's barely been a day without his brother and Dean could already feel the oppressive loneliness began to overtake him.

He does the only other thing he's good at.

He drinks.

He had headed out to the liquor store across the street from the motel he's staying in, thanking his lucky stars at it's location. He bought three bottles of cheap whiskey, planning on getting plastered as quickly as possible. He ignored the creepy cashier's suspicious looks.

"You like your whiskey huh?"

Dean merely grunted, threw money down onto the counter and made his way out of the store as quickly as possible.

Two days and two bottles of cheap whiskey down, he woke up to the sound of his cell phone beeping and twelve missed calls from Bobby. He sat, noticing for the first time that he face down on the floor. He turned onto his side and put the phone to his ear. He checked the first message Bobby had left him. Then the second. Each one more violent then the last. He gave up on the seventh and returned "Bobby's call."

"_Dean, where the hell are you?" _

"Hello to you too."

"_I'm serious yah idjit! I've been calling you for days now. Where the hell are you?" _

Dean touched a hand to his forehead. "North Carolina." He answered, clearing his throat. "Rocky Mount."

Bobby was quiet for a long moment then. _"Dean, are you alright?" _

Dean slowly stood up, stumbling forward into the dresser with a low curse. "I'm peachy." He answered.

"_Hmm." Bobby said. "So you've been on a bender for the past week then?"_

Dean didn't answer and Bobby cursed.

"_Dean, you can't-" He trailed off before continuing. "I know what loss does to yah boy. You can't drown yourself this way. It solves nothing." _

"I gotta go bobby." Dean muttered softly. He closed the phone on Bobby's loud protest. He switched the phone off and tossed it over his shoulder. He lay back with a shaky sigh. He stared up at the ceiling for a long moment. His vision slowly blurred and he closed his eyes to stop the sudden flow of tears.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Part 1

Two weeks later

Dean blinked blearily up at the ceiling as he tried to focus on what little he had to do today. He was running out of money, which meant no more booze and no place to drink his booze in peace. He sighed wearily.

"The stench alone can drive someone insane."

Dean sighed wearily at the sound of that familiar voice. "Cas." He said. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Castiel moved until he was in Dean's line of vision. He stared down at him. "I did not know you wanted to live out your life this way."

Dean sat up and swung his legs onto the floor, putting his back to the angel. "What do you want?"

"I came to see how you were fairing. Obviously you are broken."

He huffed out a laugh. "Still bad at the tact I see."

The Angel appeared in front of him. "Life is worth more than this Dean."

Dean sighed. "Yeah? Worth it huh? Even when you have nothing to live for?"

"We all have something to live for." Castiel answered. "Nothing never really ends Dean. They just start over in a different way."

Dean glared. "Well fuck you."

Castiel sighed heavily. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a book of matches. He placed them on the bedside table. "Life is a gift Dean. Incase you've forgotten."

Dean glanced up at the Angel angrily and frowned when he noticed Cas was gone. "Asshole." He muttered.

He looked down at the book of matches Cas had placed on the table that read. Brickley's Bar. All day happy hour!

He glanced around his stinky room, littered with empty liquor bottles. "Mind as well let the room air out." He muttered.

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"Jo, you're late."

"Late for what exactly? The six customers we serve this early in the afternoon?"

Dean paused, a shot of whiskey halfway to his mouth, as he heard that familiar voice. He glanced up from his spot and his eyes widened in surprise as he spotted a blonde head. He swallowed and tilted his head to the side to get a better look at the woman's profile. He had to be hallucinating. He had to be, but he knew that smart ass voice and long blonde hair anywhere.

His suspicions were confirmed when she turned to serve a customer.

There she was. Jo Harvelle. The same Jo who he had last seen beating down death's door while dropping her off at the hospital, and booking it out of town before seeing whether or not she survived.

She did.

He swallowed and hunched lower into his seat as she moved closer toward his end of the bar. Panicking, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a few bills. He tossed them onto the bar. He moved toward the exit quickly, feeling the sudden tightness in his chest began to fade as his hand touched the doorknob.

"Excuse me Sir? This is a lot money you left here don't you want your-Dean!"

Dean closed his eyes tightly and his shoulders tensed. He turned to knob and exited the bar without responding or acknowledging her. He blinked against the sunlight as he made a beeline for his car.

"Hey!"

Of course she would follow him out of the bar because she was Jo. Fucking annoying little Jo. He slowly turned to face her, his patented Dean Winchester smirk on his face. Before he could open his mouth, her arms were around his neck in a strong hug.

"You're alive." She breathed.

Dean tensed in her arms, but she only tightened her hold around him. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug.

Jo pulled away from their awkward hug with a small soft smile. "You're alive." she repeated quietly, her brown eyes sparkling.

Dean's words were stuck in the back of his throat. Here Jo was ecstatic at his mere survival all the while he could barely stand the thought that he was still standing. Living in a world with nothing.

"Come on." She said, pulling him back toward the bar's entrance. "I'll get you a drink, on me."

"Uh-" Dean trailed off and let himself be dragged back inside.

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"Brickley I'm takin' a break!" Jo called as she practically drag Dean toward one of the bar's booths.

"A break?" Her boss said. "From what? You just got here."

Jo ignored him and grabbed the two beers from the bar.

"Hey!" Brickley yelled.

Jo just waved him off and made her way over toward Dean. "Here you go." She said softly. "Drink up."

"Dean, who already had four glasses of whiskey, reached for the bottle without complaint." He avoided Jo's stare as he drank his free beer.

"So," She started softly and Dean held his breath for the question. "You're alive." She repeated for the third time.

"Yeah." He said, his voice hoarse. "So are you." He said lamely.

Jo smiled and she glanced down at her hands. "Yeah. Actually thought I was dead until I woke up in the hospital a week later."

Dean winced and he finally looked up. "Jo, I-I'm sorry about that. We just ran off-" He trailed off when she held her hand up.

"I'm not upset about hat Dean." She smiled sadly. "It's part of the job. Besides, you guys had a world to save." She sat forward. "Which you did." She grinned. "Is Sam-"

"I have to go." Dean cut in suddenly, panic clear in his voice.

Jo looked worried. "Go? But-" She reached for him, pulling back when he snatched his hand away.

Dean didn't bother to apologize, just bolted for the door, his heart pounding in his chest as he felt the tears start to gather in his eyes.

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_Pain exploded on the left side of his face as Lucifer's fist slammed into it. Pain exploded on the right side as he was hit again. He couldn't feel the next blow because the cold rush of blood had made him go numb. _

_He'd never seen that look before. That coldness directed at him. This wasn't Sam. But he knew Sam was inside. Somewhere. _

"_It's okay." He heard himself murmur. " I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you." He watched blearily as the fist came at him again._

Dean eyes opened to the sound of loud banging on his door. He slowly sat up with a frown and glanced at the time. It was 8'o clock. He'd been asleep for six hours? He glanced up as the loud banging continued.

"Fuck." He murmured. He climbed out of be curing s he tripped over an empty bottle. "Shit! Who is it?" He called but the banging just continued. He hobbled over toward the door and yanked it open. His eyes widened in surprise as he stared at Jo.

She lowered her hand with a small hesitant smile. "Hi." She said softly. "I think we started off on the wrong foot." She started.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "How'd you find me?" He asked suspiciously.

"Well, I searched for the cheapest motel in rocky mount, asked the front desk clerk if he's seen a slightly transient looking man around here and here I am." She held up two Styrofoam containers. "I bought dinner."

Dean, never one to pass up dinner held the door slightly ajar.

Jo smiled. "Thanks." She moved around him and into the room, pausing in surprise at the sight of it. Bottles littered everywhere. Empty food cartons and clothes. "Love what you've done to the place."

"Thanks." He said. He moved around her and moved some of the junk from the table onto the floor.

Jo sat gingerly onto one of the chairs and slid one of the trays over toward him. Dean took the tray and opened it. The smell of a double bacon cheese burgers and fries drifted up into Dean's nose and he sighed as his stomach grumbled in appreciation. He hadn't eaten anything since this morning and even then it had been a breakfast burrito that may or may not have been two days old.

He was halfway through his burger when Jo finally spoke up.

"You look like real crap Dean." The stated was blunt, but laced with concern.

Dean slowly chewed his food and swallowed. He glanced down at the burger in his hands.

Jo pushed her food away when he didn't respond. "What happened? I mean is-"

"We won." He cut in flatly. "Lucifer is back where he belongs. The world is saved."

Jo nodded. "I get that Dean. Obviously, but-where's Sam? Bobby? Are they-"

"Bobby's alive." He answered. "Sam said yes." He glanced up at her then, unsurprised at the shock on her face. "Yeah." He said.

Jo sat back in her chair with a loud exhalation of air. "I need a drink." She finally said.

Dean finished off his burger then lean down under the table and finished out a bottle of Jim beam. "have at it."

She opened the bottle and drank two gulps, slamming it down with a loud curse.

Dean leaned back in his chair and watched her silently. He reached for the bottle and took three long gulps. He expected her start firing with the questions, but none came. They both drank the bottle in amiable silence and Dean could tell how toasted she was getting by the flush that was starting to form on her face. How did she end up here he wondered? How long had it taken her to heal from that hell hound bite? What was she doing with herself now?

"You know," she said, her words slightly slurred. "Your dad would come into the roadhouse and drink himself into oblivion. Mom would say because he was grieving. You Winchesters and your grieving habits."

Dean snorted. "Fuck you Jo."

"I wish." She said then blushed.

Dean ignored her and hogged the bottle. "No more JB for you."

Jo put her feet on the table. "I'm serious though. Nice beard Dean."

He glared at her, feeling that string of irritation when it came from being around her for too long. She smiled softly.

There was a long awkward silence between them.

"Anyway," She started as if she'd been talking for the past ten minutes. "I woke up in a hospital in Carthage a week later and a half later. I had three surgeries. They don't know how I survived. I don't know either." She sighed heavily and scrubbed at her eyes. "I thought I was in some bad dream and that I was just gonna wake up from any minute, but I wasn't and I-I knew she was gone."

Ellen. Dean felt the sharp stab of guilt at the thought of Ellen. Ellen who risked her life for theirs. Ellen who forced them to get Jo out of there while she gave her own life. Dean understood how Jo felt. She'd lost her whole family. Just like had, only this was somehow his fault. "Jo, I'm sor-"

"Shut up." She cut in quietly. "She wanted me to live. She died for a reason. Do you know we'd argue for days because I was hunting? She hated that life for me. I didn't get it until I woke up in that hospital. I don't want to die the way she did."

Dean could tell she was trying hard not to cry. He looked away feeling slightly uncomfortable. "I'm not hunting anymore." He suddenly blurted.

Shock spread across Jo's face. "Welcome to the club." she said. She reached across the table and snatched the bottle from his hands. "I babble too much." she mumbled before swigging from the bottle. She suddenly stood up and swayed on her feet. "Tired." she mumbled and passed out face first on the unoccupied bed.

Sam's bed.

Dean watched Jo for a long moment, his thoughts fuzzy and the loneliness he felt consuming him since his decided three week bender. He pushed the liquor bottle away from himself and stood up on shaky legs.

He slid into the empty spot next to Jo. He wrapped his arm around her waist. Jo sighed and turned onto her side, mumbling something incoherent. She rested her arm on top of his own. Dean closed his eyes and fell asleep.

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"_I'm not gonna leave you Sam. I'm right here." _

Dean opened his eyes with a gasp. He blinked as he glanced around the room in confusion. He shook his head forcing the last vestiges of that dream out of his mind. He shuddered and frowned when he noticed he was holding a warm soft body. His eyes slid down and he frowned as he realized Jo was still here.

"Dean?"

He tensed when her concerned voice reached his ears. His heart was pounding loud and fast inside his chest. She had to feel it. He could practically hear the damn thing in the quietness of the room.

"Jo?"

She turned around to face him and he could barely make out the expression of her face in the low light of the room.

"What happened?" She whispered.

'Sam's gone.' He thought to himself. 'Sam's gone.' The words repeated in his mind. 'Gone.' He swallowed as he felt tears start to spill down his cheeks. "I let him go." He whispered finally. "I let him go." He repeated brokenly.

Jo wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.

He sobbed hard into her shoulder, letting out the pain and grief he had been holding in for the past three weeks.

TBC


End file.
